Some years ago, our beloved Ruby Dee and Ossie Davis surprisingly revealed in their book, that at one point during their marriage, they allowed each other to have sex with other people, if they so chose to. Now, many people would probably be shocked by this, but they didn’t let that deter them from publicly sharing the intricacies of their marriage with the world. And…let’s just say, that we learn something new everyday around these parts and when we dig deep enough, sometimes we find life’s treasures.
Ossie and Ruby thought it was necessary for them to have an open marriage in their quest to find true love.
Ruby and Ossie on why they decided to have an open marriage arrangement:
“It occurred to us, from observation and reasoning, that extramarital sex was not what really destroyed marriages, but rather the lies and deception that invariably accompanied it — that was the culprit. So we decided to give ourselves permission to sleep with other partners if we wished — as long as what we did was honest as well as private, and that neither of us exposed the family to scandal or disease. We had to be discreet and, if the word can be apt, honorable in our behavior, both to ourselves, to whomever else might be involved, and most of all, to the family. And for the most part, we were.”
Ossie:”But looking back, I’d say no matter what did or did not happen, we freed each other. And in doing that, we also freed ourselves…Sex is fine, but love is better. That’s the most important part of being free. In light of what we learned, is extramarital sex something we recommend as a regular part of marriage? Not now…not anymore. Not since AIDS has entered the equation, and genital herpes, syphilis, and other veneral diseases…”
Ruby: “But, we both came to realize that we were very fortunate that, in all of the deep profound, fundamental ways, we really, really only wanted each other. It was like a rediscovery of something from the beginning. It’s not something that you’d recommend to everybody. But often Ossie has said – and I’ve thought too – the best way to have somebody is to let it go. If it doesn’t come back you are free in another kind of sense – in that you find the strength to let go and wish somebody well. So, we thought an open marriage was appropriate for us but it turned out not to be. But then that’s what we’re all about, we are moving from one position to another in the process of trying to unravel this thing call life.”
They must have been doing something right though, because their marriage lasted for 6 decades (since 1948). Now y’all know nowadays we see all too often, marriages that aren’t even making it past 6 years…let alone 6 whole decades?!! Incredible!
Ruby and Ossie definitely deserve a lot of respect for revealing this info, because they put their love to the ultimate test, which was extremely risky. For Ossie and Ruby Dee, their open marriage turned out to be a testament to the old school saying: When you truly love someone, let them go and if it’s meant to be, they’ll always come back. Could this be why their marriage lasted so many decades? Hmmm…we’re not sure, but one thing’s for certain, their marriage has lasted up to their passing and beyond.
May they both rest well.
